The Wilderness Ethos 2018

~ ETHOS ~

“You came one day and as usual in such matters, significance filled everything.”

Welcome to our world.

Nomads and gastronomes. Rockers and roamers. Drifters and dreamers. The reclusive, the wise and the wild. Welcome. You have come to this place for a reason. Step in and linger. Explore far and wide and be curious. We invite you on an escapade like no other.

We seek to romance you. To dazzle and inspire, nourish and reflect. You are going on an all-guns-blazing tour of the arts and heart-stopping delights that we have chosen to import to our paradise corner of the world.

A celebration of the arts for the curious, we invite you to open your eyes, minds, hearts. It’s all for you.

We wanted to create a place where you can keep reality at arms length, where experience is everything: a microcosm in the Wilderness where experiences jostle and all your senses are thrilled.

Rise early to swim, OM or paint. Get up and take a dance class, stand tall with the yogis, bask in the shade of a tree with your dearest and then sing for hundreds on stage. Radicalize at a debate, write a love poem, wander the woods, butcher a deer. Dine fine beside a deep, freshwater lake, learn taxidermy, take a trip through the forest on an electric bike. Fire arrows straight and true, win the egg and spoon race, roll in the glittery grass, play cricket in a dress, dance yourself sillier and sillier and then lose your marbles in the Night Realm. Leave your stepping stones behind. This is a space for you to truly be free. Show your serious side the door, switch off your phone and really change gear.

Wilderness is a community. It has a pulse and a beating heart, and thousands of colourful heroes coursing through its veins. Its population is the lifeblood. You are vital in this temporary community. Take your trip with wide eyes and an open heart; be mindful of coincidences. They make sense.

We want to raze your walls, throw open boundaries and push your buttons. We will challenge and enliven you. Nourish and excite you. It’s about expanding the horizons, stretching your grin wider and reveling in the utter joy of living. Your wild delight joined end to end for four long days will warm the whole year.

Wilderness is seven years young. The world we have created for you continues to morph and expand in ambition.

Now that you are here, settle in.

When you know, you just know.

Peace all the way out,

Wilderness HQ x

Naked in the mud-pit: an interview with Bearded Kitten

Living the dream.

Bearded Kitten are in the business of “co-ordinating chaos”. Depending on who they’re talking to (they’ve done events for Google, Cadbury’s and Jim Beam) they might call it “entertainment design”, or “mass participation spectacles” or “interactive entertainment”. But whichever way you spin it, it’s inciting fun on a large scale – an interesting day job one might say.

Founders Timmy Sampson, Barney Sutton, Jona Ahearne and Dickie Cohen began their riotous journey on the UK festival circuit by “scrawling moustaches on girls faces”. They quickly realised that people wanted a bit more than just music out of their festival experiences.

“Festivals used to be a lot more one dimensional,” says Timmy Sampson. “You’d go and watch a headline band, stay up all night and that would be that. More and more are realising that diverse content is really important, and even though headliners sell tickets, what makes people go back is all the extra stuff – all the interactive stuff. At the end of the day a festival is an experience and if you see a spectacle – get involved in a paint fight, play a silly game – if you’re on-stage being cheered at by hundreds of people, then that’s more memorable then the reason you bought the ticket – seeing a headline band.”

Their festival venues are legendary. Their Colli-silly-um at Secret Garden Party(which began life as a mudpit) sees baying crowds lining a Roman-style amphitheatre while largely unsuspecting volunteers embark on some of the most ridiculous games the Kittens can imagine. At Glastonbury their Campo Pequeno arena hosted a 1,000-strong tomato fight.

At one of their events you might find yourself embroiled in a game of ‘Eat Yourself to Death.’ Or being power-hosed off a bit of timber balanced precariously over a mud-pit while eating dry Weetabix – a game they dub ‘Wet or Dry’. Or doing aerobics in a fat-suit. “There is an element of dark-side voyeurism,” says Timmy, “ but mainly it’s about everyone getting involved, no one really caring that much and doing something memorable and different.”

“As a promoter, as an independent, we are seriously silly. We are serious about doing things that are completely different and off the hook. We revel in experimenting with the different ways people like to to have fun – be it mud fights, hanging people upside down on bungee cords, or really unusual, unexpected surprise spectacles, theatre, games, all of that sort of interlaced into into a really complete experience.”

Bearded Kitten have also branched out from their festival roots to host bespoke club nights in Brighton and London. Their next party – Around The World at Arcadia on March 16th – is their most ambitious yet. “It’s themed around an airport. When you arrive you’ve got different lines: first class, fast-tracked tickets. There’ll be a lot of air hostesses outside. Then you’ll get funnelled through all the things you normally hate: customs, passport control, but we’ve turned it on its head and made it really theatrical. You’ll go through ‘Customs and Exercise’ and into the departure lounge where there’ll be waitresses and a jazz band, and then you’ll hear an announcement to board the plane. And this is when the party starts.”

The plane, hosted by a compère/pilot, will then make six stops at different countries and the party will be themed according to where you land – be it America, France, The Balkans – with DJs and bands who characterise the culture.

They’ve obviously got plenty of what they dub ‘Bearded ideas’ – “baggage reclaim gone mad, duty free, orange air hostesses, a ‘sniffer dog’, an airport buggy (which is actually a milk float) taking you on a tour of the hanger…”

“It’s somewhere between a show and a party. It’s an experiment in doing something completely different. It’s the most ambitious party we’ve done yet, and it needs to run like clockwork. But we’re quite comfortable with that. We’ve done a lot of show choreography in the past year or so. We’ve got a show at Wembley tomorrow for the Olympics – making 12,000 people sing karaoke. All the volunteers – we’re doing the half-time energiser.”

Bearded Kitten are all about participation and interaction, and they are the first to admit without the heroes who get involved – you guys – it wouldn’t work. “All the best games are the ones where anybody who steps up to play them automatically gets the respect of the crowd because you’re sat there thinking ‘I wouldn’t bloody do that’. But they step up and do it and get automatic respect for it. And the shit that they do is absolutely insane and massively liberating – you know, being made to eat dry Weetabix or sprayed in the face with a power hose – and because everyone’s massively up for it they’re heroes. They are the stars of the show.”

Around the World is at Arcadia on 16th March.

Introducing: Beat3

18 November, 2011
by: Lowri

Brace yourselves…

BEAT3 are the production trio forging a filthy UK path with the glitch hop-crunkstep sound currently dominating the US scene. Comprised of three Reading-based producers known as DJ L-Biz (Luke Barton), Unclbadtouch (Harry Tattersall) and Small Chips (Arthur Tattersall) their tunes are very seriously on the future bass money. Their sound nods to early Glitch Mob, the techy brilliance of Freddy Todd with the futurism and scope of DCarls.

Comprised of two DJs and an instrumentalist, their sound has West Coast flavours certainly, but a scroll through their back catalogue reveals a colourful palate. Breaks, hip hop, drumstep, dubstep obviously – there’s even some electro swing in there. Following months of fervent studio work, they batted a home-run with their debut album: ‘Get Ripped in 4 Weeks’ – an absolute giant which proved that boundaries were there to be bulldozed. If you were in any doubt where the party was happening, then let Beat3 show you…

We caught up with them before their show at Uppercut on December 3rd.

Bass music. The term is used these days to describe simply ‘heavy’, bassy music because of so many splintered genres. Do you feel that it’s got as heavy as it’s going to get? Or is there more….

Arthur: There’d better be more. Although it’s difficult to imagine bass synths getting much heavier than they are now, people probably said the same thing about guitars in the 80s.  The next step might be just one kick every bar and a bass that kills people.

Luke: He’s been dropping hints about the one kick and bass theory for a while now… we will see.

What do you think of the dubstep world right now? It’s been a crazy couple of years – with it taking off in America, and now the crossovers with metal – what’s your take on it?

A: I’ve got no time for the weird hate that’s directed at ‘new’ dubstep artists who – in my opinion – are doing great things with the genre.  There’s no denying that ‘pure’ dubstep has a limited scope – any attempt to widen that scope and blur boundaries is admirable.  Plus, I love metal so I’m always up for some chugstep.  No matter how you define it – with awkward sub-genres – if it makes you pull a funny face and bounce up and down then it’s winning.

L: Dubstep has bludgeoned its way into the limelight and it will probably be that way for a while. The lighter side of it (sway-step) has elbowed pop and dance out the charts on numerous occasions recently. Now with its popularity in America it’s not likely to slow down for a while. I do love the monster bass heavy styles. I enjoy hearing people push the boundaries – its up to the listener to seperate good from bad. I see dubstep as this generations choice of rave music. Kids at dubstep nights know how to party hard.

Do you think there is a big element of luck involved in ‘making it’ in dance music?

A: I think there’s definitely an element of luck in getting noticed, getting opportunities. But at the same time – and as much as this sounds like a motivational poster – I do think you can make your own luck to an extent.  You have to keep pushing to create the opportunities.

L: There are every few people that will get to the top without a bit of luck. That said these days you can have a massive effect how many people hear your music, social networks, youtube are outlets for people to spread their music far quicker than you could have dreamed about 10 years ago.
I’ve always looked at it as put in the work and it will pay off.

Do you have any tips for young producers?

A: Try to find some way of hearing your music in a live venue, no matter how bad the soundsystem.  For this type of music, it’s the only way you can know what it’ll end up sounding like.  Also, hearing something of yours mixed into something professional will tell you everything you need to know about your production.

L: Put you tracks up on things like Soundcloud and welcome comments. You might will find people will point things out that you have missed from loop blindness or a frequency you couldn’t quite hear on your speakers. The flip of that is the positive comments are really rewarding and help you spur you into doing more.

What are your main production challenges? What does three of you bring?

A: Our biggest challenges are geography and time.  We’ve had to learn to be flexible about our working arrangements and grab time when we can, but it’s not ideal.  We’ll always make sure that each of us has input into each tune, and almost never work alone on BEAT3 material.  The biggest advantage is the diversity of our backgrounds. I have a musical instrument-based background, and the other two have DJ-ing backgrounds, so we’ve got most eventualities covered.

L: Time, geography and work: it’s juggling act. Other than that not trying to force music when we do get together, you can usually tell when it’s not flowing as those are the tracks that get sidelined. We each bring different aspects which I think shows through.

Are your productions written especially for the dancefloor/clubs?

A: Nowadays, yes.  Our first album ‘Get Ripped In 4 Weeks’ was not really genre-specific, and I think demonstrated our varied influences.  There are a couple of slow, building tracks on there which we really enjoyed making but wouldn’t really be able to play out.  We’re certainly more focused on dubstep/drumstep/glitch at the moment – that sort of sound anyway.

L: Not sure how deliberate it was or conscious but since we have been playing out, I think that has had an influence on the music we make. You learn what works well and I think our style has adapted in some way to reflect this.

How does your music translate to a live performance? It’s always a challenge for the producer to take to the stage… 

A: It doesn’t really, to be honest. It would be quite impractical to try and ‘perform’ our tracks live without compromising our live sound.  Our sets are usually just the most banging tunes we can find, and we incorporate our tunes into the set.  We’re experimenting with creating live remixes using Ableton and Serato, but that’s using tracks we’ve made specifically for that purpose.

L: The main challenge is set ups at gigs and a big enough booth – the dream set-up for us currently would be two sets of turntables with scratch mixers and space for an Ableton plus controller. It’s a big ask for venues but we happily do what we can with two turntables and a mixer.

What’s next for you guys? What are you working on, where would you like BEAT3 to go?

A: A big goal at the moment is to make more of having three people in the DJ booth by working on live remixes, hopefully taking the performance outside of the normal DJ set.  You don’t want your set to end up like a masterclass at some music expo though – generally people just want to hear great tunes rather than watch a demonstration.

L: Lots of new tracks on the boil at the moment which we need to wrap up. Also hopefully starting to get the live remix thing going in full effect. Would definitely like to have more of presence at next year’s festivals. SGP this year was off the hook! (*They headlined the massive Colli-silly-um arena).

If you could collaborate with anyone who would it be?

A:  The Ink Spots, Mastodon, Squarepusher, Steve Albini

L: Foreign Beggars, Bare Noize, Bassnectar, Freddy Todd, Ben Samples, Knight Riderz & Nosia the list could go on, they are all artists we have major respect for.

Harry: Biggie, Darondo, The Pharcyde, The Beatnuts, Erykah Badu, Aaliyah to name just a few.

Your sound is quite glitchy and dare I say it – American. Who are your production heroes/influences?

A: It would be crazy not to credit early Glitch Mob tunes as an influence.  In fact, ‘NY Not‘ was a direct reply to Westcoast Rocks.  We thought the east coast needed some reppin’ too.  We’re always being inspired, recently by Freddy Todd, D Carls, etc etc

L: Most of my influences are people I’d like to collaborate with. But definitely Knight Riderz, Ill-Esha, eDIT and Freddy Todd played a part in influencing our sound.

H: So many. At the moment the likes of Koan Sound and D. Carls are making some really wicked sounds

We publish Dancefloor Bombs every Friday – can you give us a couple of failsafe bangers?

L: Pretty Lights – ‘I Know The Truth’

Zeds Dead & Killabits – ‘Bassmentality’ (Figure remix)

Visualist – ‘Shock’

H: Koan Sound – ‘Trouble In The West’

Porter Robinson – ‘The State’ (Skism remix),

Nero – ‘Crush On You’ (Knife Party remix)

You can catch BEAT3 at Uppercut on December 3rd.

Dreams, Star Wars and 70s Disco… An interview with PBR Streetgang

Bonar Bradberry and Tom Thorpe met while record digging in Birmigham, UK. Recognising a compatible taste by their pickings, the two decided to DJ together and soon were immersed in the circus that was early 2000s Leeds nightlife. By 2003, the duo had founded their own residency at Club Mint, named “Asylum” to reflect the evening’s maddening diversity of guests. Everyone from Jazzy Jeff to Ricardo Villalobos shared the decks with the duo, by now having settled on the moniker PBR Streetgang.

The pair earned great respect across the musical spectrum with fans such as Crazy P, Greg Wilson, The Unabombers, Clive Henry and Ralph Lawson. Their unique musical approach never failing to connect with the crowd, threading Larry’s New York legacy to the jacking underground beats of their Leeds roots.

Over the last ten years, their DJ partnership has evolved into audience enthralling sets which flow effortlessly from Ableton live to the turntables via a piece of circuitry that allows both heads to mix together as one. The duo have a versatile approach of playing that allows them to easily adapt from big festival stages and main-rooms to smaller basements and back-rooms.

We got the lowdown on dream parties, heroes of old and festival sunrises….

Dream situation to record a mix: location, system, format?
Somewhere warm like South America – plenty of wildlife around, ocean view. Set-up wise, just turntables and rotary mixer. And a bottle of single malt whisky – PARADISE!

Back2Back with any DJ in history, who and why?
Got to be Larry Levan! He was the original DJ from the 70’s New York disco scene. We’ve heard so many stories about his sets at the Paradise Garage – if he was still with us, we’d love to let loose with him on the decks!

Dream rider:
Wine – sushi – tequila. In that order!

What record takes you back to the first years going out and getting into electronic music?
Struggling to remember but maybe ‘Go’ by Moby

You’re booked to play ‘The Cantina Bar’ from Star Wars. What’s your opening record?
Something pretty odd like, ‘Il Veliero’ by The Chaplin Band

The strangest phrase/story you’ve heard/been told at an afterparty?
Pick a card, any card – they are always strange at after parties!

Tune that makes you lose your shit.
‘I Keep My Friends Close’ – The Cure (Jonny Rock edit)

Tune that makes you well up.
PJ Harvey – ‘We Float’

Festival sunrise tune.
‘White Diamond’ by Hatchback

Tune you play that’s going to turn a quiet dance, busy.
Gorillaz – ‘Dare’ (DFA remix)

Finally, without giving too much away for this years’ festival, what previously has been a huge ‘Festival Tune’ for you – either you’ve played or heard someone else play?
Alexander Robotnick – ‘Undicidisco (Justin Vandervolgen edit)

Now listen to our playlist featuring our Valley Allstars….

Published by Wilderness Festival 2017

 

 

Skunk Anansie at Brixton Academy

To a generation of teenage girls (they have plenty of male fans too but their angry, beautiful songs speak particularly to females) Skin represented independence, pride, an unapologetically different kind of sex appeal and a screw you attitude which we all idolised. Angry and hurt and twisted and scared and horny, her lyrics, when shouted at the tops of our voices (which they usually were) were a rallying cry. They were the anthems to our adolescence.

Tonight is the final date of their European greatest hits tour. The Brixton Academy location is especially poignant as this is where Skin (Deborah Dyer) is from. “It’s good to be back in Brixton” she grins, flashing her enormous white teeth. To the utter delight of a generation of teenagers – now all grown up – Skunk Anansie reformed this year. This is their first tour for eight years – and they play like they’ve never been away. Skin bursts onstage covered in a mass of gold foil. She jumps around for a good few minutes before even showing her face. Whipping off the huge pompom with a flourish, she bares her familiar skinhead and enormous grin. The crowd goes berserk.

During ‘Weak’ Skin comes down to the barrier and proceeds to walk into the crowd, her silver jump suit glittering as thousands of hands support the tread of her Nike’s. The crowd is jovially moshing – and because everyone is loving it so much the elbows to the face don’t even really hurt. Most people are singing – most people are singing every word. During ‘Hedonism’ you can barely hear her voice due to the thousands of others joining it.

They play all the classics and their three new songs from the Greatest Hits Album ‘Smashes and Trashes’ (and a new one which isn’t on that album). Singing at tops of our voices along with one of our heroines, I am actually 16 again. Skin is absolutely AMAZING. What a voice. What a woman.

They dedicate new track ‘Squander’ to their ‘amazing manager’. And then Skin invites the fans to the stage. One girl won’t actually stop kissing her. She climbs onto the bass drum, gathers the fans beneath her and leaps into their arms.

And then they leave the stage. Obviously that’s not it, there’s no way we’re letting them leave yet – and they still haven’t done ‘Secretly’. The crowd won’t shut up and Skin keeps peeping from behind a curtain, checking on the adoration with her irrepressible grin. They don’t leave us hanging for long. They saunter back on stage, swathed in hysterical cheering, and begin ‘Secretly’, the first orchestral chords producing extremely emotional cheering.

“I’ve been biding my time. Been so subtly kind.
I’ve got to think so selfishly ’cause you’re the face inside of me.
I’ve been biding my days. Evidently it pays.”

As the four members of the band gather together centre stage, smiling out into the adoring crowd, it’s glaringly obvious that they are delighted to be back where they belong. And tearfully, everyone in the audience agrees.

Nothing’s Real: An Interview With Shura

Shura started making music in her bedroom at 16. While at uni she formed a band with guitarist Patrick Duncombe and collaborated with producer Hiatus (Cyrus Shahrad). Following her work with Hiatus, Shura decided to assume creative control over the production of her music and, during night shifts, taught herself music production via youtube videos.

In 2014 she laid down the sensationally popular debut ‘Touch’. Her self-directed video featuring her friends kissing has over 26 million views. Two other singles, ‘Just Once’ and ‘Indecision’, followed the same year. In 2015, Shura was longlisted in the BBC Sound of 2015 poll. Her debut album Nothing’s Real is due for release in July.

Describe your dream festival day.

Getting to the stage on time. Haha. If I’m playing that’s probably the most important bit for me. I still get a bit nervous when I play so for me I’m just happy if there’s somewhere I can pee that isn’t a million miles away from the stage…. (hint, hint).

Career highlight so far?

It’s so hard to think of only one thing. The last couple of years have been bonkers. If I had to pick one it would probably be the fact that I actually finished my album, which is probably not that exciting to read, BUT I REALLY CAN’T BELIVE IT’S DONE.

Song you’d most like to cover?

There’s about 3 million songs I’d love to cover and it changes on a regular basis. I’m on a Michael Jackson Human Nature flex today but if you asked tomorrow it might be Nirvana or Smashing Pumpkins.

Dream colab (dead or alive)?

I’d love to have rocked out with Kurt Cobain. That would have been a lot of fun. Prince was another dream of mine too. Madonna. I CANT PICK. Haha.

Festival Essential – what’s in your bag?

I love taking photos so I tend to pack lots of different analogue cameras. Disposables, Polaroids, My Old Olympus. There’s something really fun about taking them to be developed and having no idea what’s on there. Sometimes I screw up the film when I take it out though and that’s a HORRENDOUS surprise when you get it back and the film is totally f***ed.

Shura will be playing the Wilderness main stage at 4:45pm on Sunday.

Published by Wilderness Festival 2016

Secret Adventures: An interview with Madoc Threipland

Secret Adventures bring you unusual and off-grid adventures in London and beyond. Designed to generate a sense of exploration and wonder, they take you away from the normal trappings of city life and into the unknown..

They like water, they like fire and they like to explore. Upcoming adventures include kayaking at night under Tower Bridge, swimming under a full moon in London and a summer solstice canoe and wild camp down the River Wye.

They organise adventures at Wilderness every year. This year there’ll be a fire bowl picnic in the woods and a skinny dip in a hidden lake outside of the main festival area…

Book here soon.

What’s been your best adventure so far?

It’s hard to choose but possibly The Secret Concert. A concert in an abandoned underground space in central London only accessible by boat under a building. We canoed in the dark in late December, crept through a secret door and had a dinner party in an underground chamber. Then Merlin and Cosmo Sheldrake and Strangefruit performed acoustic sets by candle and torchlight. It felt like a real adventure right here in the city. The Huffington Post described the journey back onto the streets of central London as like “returning from Narnia”.

Video of The Secret Concert.

When do you feel most alive?

There’s a certain expression I see on people’s faces on some of the adventures and I know that I’ve got it right when I see it. It’s a sort of child like glee as they slide under Tower Bridge in the dark, gobble marshmallows they’ve toasted around a campfire or plunging into an icy dark lake. I get a lot of reflected satisfaction when I see that. It’s a feeling of being in the moment.

Ideal place to live?

It’s not a place to live but my family and I are in the process of buying a small piece of woodland within a larger wood about an hour and a half out of London. It has a hut on it and I’m excited about spending time there with family and friends and having an escape out of the city.

Best meal cooked in the wilderness?

I think the best campfire food I’ve ever had was on one of our summer solstice canoe and wild camp adventures down the River Dart. Our canoe instructor had brought along some amazingly delicious chorizo and chickpeas which he stewed over a fire with fresh herbs. After a days canoeing and wild swimming down the river it really tasted amazing. Also the location, a field on the riverbank with stars twinkling overhead made it the best dining room in the world.

This all sounds very exciting. I want to come. How to find out more?

The best way of checking everything out is via our fancy website with loads of beautiful photos, videos and exciting adventures. Upcoming adventures include kayaking through the canals to Crate Brewery’s boat in Hackney Wick, kayaking under Tower Bridge, full moon swims and campfires across London, and the summer solstice adventure down the River Wye.

Secret Adventures will be at Wilderness Festival this year. For more info and booking check it out here.

www.secretadventures.org

Published by Wilderness Festival 2016

The Highs And Lows of Cycle Touring

First published by Ministry of Sound Online (Travel Section)

Bournemouth to Bombay by bike. Lowri Clarke reports from the saddle.

Ok. So, the plan was an ambitious one. After a couple of trips with the aid of an aeroplane and a trusty Millets backpack, I had begun to crave something more. Myself and my accomplice formulated a cunning plan involving getting to India overland. The route, we decided, would work itself out on the way, and anyway, was just a minor detail, nothing to worry about. The Middle East crisis shouldn’t cause us too many problems. Weather too, was something we were certain would be fine – at most a minor inconvenience – a backdrop to my imaginings of the epic trip that seemed to be unfolding like a magic carpet into my future. I could think of nothing else.

After totalling the projected fuel expenditure over 6000km (a conservative estimate), adding it to the cost of a camper van, combined with our zero mechanical expertise and potential dependence on local, dollar-hungry engineers, we realised that driving could/would be disastrous. So, to the hilarity of most of our friends, the disbelief of our parents, armed with our gung-ho attitudes and curious lack of reluctance, we decided to cycle.

Neither of us had ever tried cycle touring before. We both cycle everywhere (a declaration which we would be bleating to many a sceptical voice during the Planning Months) but aside from some lengthy rides along perfect, pre-planned routes, carrying nothing, we were completely inexperienced. And strangely unfazed. We bought a brilliant, expensive tent, a wondrous Primis fuel-burning stove, eight waterproof panniers and two capable bikes. We cycled down the road to Poole, and hopped on a night ferry to Cherbourg.

Boarding the ferry, waving to the collected friends and family – who had justifiably maintained a healthy combination of disbelief and encouragement – we felt that a huge portion of the journey was over. The Planning Months had been crucial and stressful, involving lots of wall charts, hypothesising and last-minute purchasing of bungees and cable-ties (absolutely essential). We had been aching to get going, and rolling off the ferry into a perfect French dawn we were grinning from ear to ear. Right then. Better secure ourselves a map….

The Test:

Pedalling hard away from Cherbourg, more or less in the direction of India, and we are drunk on the freedom of speeding into the blue. Legs strong, heavy bikes hurtling down the undulating roads, French bread and cheese tasting divine. 40km later, as I begin to tire, and the hills become more prolific, I encounter a whole fortress of self-doubt I had never known existed.

My speed drops steadily with my spirits. Pedalling slowly in the opposite direction of My Life and everything I value, leaden legs pushing my speedo to a pathetic 8km/h on the hills, I begin to seriously doubt the efficacy of our scheme.

Everything on my bike and nothing in the road ahead except thousands and thousands of km’s, the beginning was a testing time. With our bodies unused to clocking up such distances, legs still hoping that this trip was a whim and tomorrow we’d revert to the former sofa and biscuit regime, physically it was, it is, very challenging. But mentally is where the real mountains are. Convincing yourself that you are doing the right thing by cycling 100km’s through slanting rain and icy winds is a curious challenge. When you arrive at the campsite (which is hopefully open), wrap your hands round a hot chocolate and curl up in your (hopefully dry) sleeping bag, body quivering from exertion, rushing on endorphins and satisfaction, you can safely say, that yes, now it’s worth all the pain.

Two weeks later, fitter, more weathered, bums worn in by hard Italian saddles and into the swing of things, it’s all looking alot peachier. Then, unacceptably, Greece’s official Rainy Season began…

Good Things:

* Independence. Carrying everything we need to survive independently of society (besides Tesco or equivalent food outlets) is amazing. We can camp anywhere, eat anywhere, go anywhere, stop anytime. The world truly is our oyster and our transportation is powered by force of will rather than a motor, food instead of petrol. We rely on no-one. The only thing which can stop us now is right inside our heads.

* The Chocolate and Coca Cola Reward Scheme. Cycling involves the expenditure of hundreds of calories and thus requires the regular ingestion of extremely high sugar and enjoyable goods.

* Camping. Always fun (although sometimes you just don’t notice it at the time), very often free and makes you feel great. Also allows you to witness the Earth and her changes of mood first hand, as well as a plethora of sunsets and slightly fewer sunrises.

* Cooking. Great at the best of times, but on a single stove using only two pans you are forced to be truly inventive. Carrying your three meals a day on your bike (in case of emergency – like all the local shops closing for lunch and never opening again (France I’m looking at you) –  is liberating and enables you to cook and eat anywhere the desire strikes. We cooked a Full English in a park in Athens last week. Glorious.

Bad Thıngs:

* Mosquitos.  All mosquitos can burn in the fires of hell. The flip-side of being outside 24/7 enjoying the wonders of the World is that you are completely exposed to the feeding times of local biting insects. Typically, they eat at around the same time we do. Most nights so far I have woken to either; scratch my prolific bites (sixteen on my bum alone), to hunt down the opportunists who are hiding in my tent waiting for me to fall asleep, or to discover four lazy mozzies, fat from gorging on my blood all night, so slowed and ecstatic with pleasure they no longer care whether they live or die, and so let me kill them.  Which İ do, mercilessly. (WARNING – I had a revelation after weeks of wondering why İ was suffering so many bites: Mosquitos can bite THROUGH your clothes!)

* Perving, Rain and General Discontent. We got absolutely drenched on the first day in Greece – riding from Igouminitsa.  After the hardest 70km so far, possibly of my life, (two punctures, heavy rain, freezing winds, saturation point surpassed long ago, hope abandoned) we hitched a lift with an Albanian called Alex.  While The Accomplice was checking out the campsite, he groped me under the guise of feeling how soaked İ was, and offered me 50 euros to show him my tits. İ declined.

* Cars. Motorists and Cyclists – ah the war continues. They hate us for jumping red lights and for exercising the freedom they only wish they could emulate, (flitting between pavement and road, sailing past them in traffic queues and just generally having more fun.) They regularly and unremorsefully cause us traumatic Near Death Experiences by hurtling past, barely skimming our panniers, stopping suddenly in the middle of the road (an Italian favourite), dangerously overtaking or failing to pay attention at designated junctions and coasting obliviously into our path. There are a host of other crimes which İ am too gracious to list here. Guilty motorists – you know who you are.

Miscellaneous:

* Hills. It is a shock to note that the monstrous hills of the Journey so Far have, with rose-tinted hindsight, been remarkably fine and, İ would even concede, pretty exhilarating, so much so, they could be located in the Good Things category were İ not so disinclined to sound like a smug, fit bastard. The worst of it has to be sighting the beast for the first time towering over you in a dauntingly never-ending fashion. Once you crack on, it’s ok as long as you keep singing.

* Singing. This is an integral element of cycle touring which stabilises your sanity and keeps you amused during long hours in the saddle. İt is not necessary to possess any singing ability whatsoever – but you do need to know some good songs. We somehow got ‘Little Donkey’ stuck in our heads for most of Europe. Not good.

The author does not (necessarily) endorse any opinions or ideas expressed within this article. Many of them are foolhardy and best avoided. However – Cycle Touring is a wondrous, exciting and relatively cheap way to see the World. Writing as İ am, from Istanbul, İ hope that İ have convinced any recalcitrant reader that it is not necessary to be a Sporting Hero to cycle from A to B – even if A ıs England, B is India and it’s raining….    

{This article was published on the Ministry of Sound Travel pages in October 2010. Sadly, the Travel Section did not survive the site revamp.}

Martin Amis In Conversation at Hay Festival

Mention of his name frequently cleaves readers. Some love him, others claim to hate his style, some take offence to his portrayal of women, many great writers cite him as an influence. His father famously devoted little time to reading his son’s work, complaining of the “terrible compulsive vividness in his style…..that constant demonstrating of his command of English.”

Whatever your view, he’s one of the most famous and commercially successful British writers alive today. Money, London Fields and The Information are the three big London novels he is supposed to be discussing this evening. It becomes instantly apparent that this topic is limited and doesn’t particularly interest the writer – it’s merely a hook on which to hang the discussion – the initial premise to be abandoned once you get down to the real meat of the thing.

Amis says within the first five minutes: “I feel I’ve got nothing to say about London” which is a relief because no one in the audience really gives a toss about hearing much more on the London of his fiction (do they?) having read it themselves. For posterity I will note what he did say – not about the London of his fiction but about ’70s London: “empty and white”. (He briefly recounts how, aged five, he started crying the first time he saw a chap from Zimbabwe.) And that’ll do on the topic thanks very much.

Hay Festival co-founder Peter Florence does a grand job of steering the novelist vaguely in the direction of certain topics; obviously the very nature of such a loose theme is rather scattergun. Comically, I don’t think Amis actually answers any of the questions Florence asks. They merely give him an idea for where he’s going next – sometimes (often) inspiring a journey in a completely different direction. Florence’s role is to guard against him banging on for too long or meandering off too deeply into pastures of indulgence. But these meanderings are the interesting bits. Allowing the writer to talk about what fascinates, what worries, who inspires – and express what he’s actually like. These are the things I’m here to understand.

“I am pretty homosexual in my tastes” he says of his mainly male reading habits. His relationships with the work and approaches of his “twin peaks” – Vladimir Nabokov and Saul Bellow – is fascinating. Both Russian, both dead, they are people about whom he talks at length. (In fact he discusses Nabokov more than his own work). He said of Bellow, in an interview with The Independent: “One of the extraordinary things about Bellow was that his pre-eminence stared you in the face.” Praise indeed. Nabokov is “the greatest ever poet of dreams” and “the master of the one sentence declaration of genius”. He considers Lolita “one of the most variously funny novels in the language”, believing that Nabokov “pushed out the boundary of what can be considered funny with a book about serial rape”.

London Fields, the “gothic love story” – his longest novel, despite beginning life as a novella then growing (“I met another character”) – was inspired by something D. H Lawrence said: “there are natural murderers and natural murderees”. Amis has copped a lot of flack from over-sensitive readers for Nicola Six – his comely murderee and so-called ‘murderer’s dream-girl’. The title was reportedly removed from the Booker Shortlist in 1989 by critical panelists – a perhaps hysterical protest against its alleged misogyny. Tonight a criticism masquerading as a question from a front row female references “not feeling very loved” when she’s reading him and admonishes him for his “sneering about Jordan” and his chauvinism in print. He doesn’t rise to the bait, but instead bats away the loaded question, replying that his male characters actually fare much worse. (Calling someone a misogynist because you don’t like his portrayal of a female character – or because you assume he identifies with certain male characters and their views – seems to be taking things a bit far, and misunderstanding the concept of satire.)

But he does spend a lot of time talking about Katie Price and taking the piss out of her two volume autobiography. The words ‘No. 1 bestseller’ on the front of the book are “more terrifying than anything inside”. But the man does seem to have a fascination with the “monstrous” Jordan (and clearly bought her books), despite questioning the nation’s obsession with the celebrity: “She has no waist, no arse…..an interesting face….but all we’re really worshipping is two bags of silicon.” (This casual objectifying may have been what pissed off the questioner.)

Interesting then, given his tendency to alienate or offend certain women, that he wants the reader to love him. “I am in love with the reader and I want them to love me back.” He says. “You open yourself up with everything you’ve got and attempt to be as delightful and interesting as you can be.” He likens the writer’s contract with the reader to being invited to their house. “Nabokov invites you in, gives you the best chair by the fire and his best wine – then leaves you with a chess problem to solve. You arrive at James Joyce’s house and he’s forgotten you were coming. He leaves you in a drafty corridor for half an hour while he fixes a drink of peat and conger eel.”

At 60, as he enters what some might regard as the ‘autumn’ of his writing career, the question of age is inevitable. He agrees that writers begin to lose it as they get older. “You feel it round the edges – the erosion. Your craft improves, so does your modulation and variation, but you lose the energy for the voice novel.”

“Writers die twice” he adds. “First the talent dies, then the body. But you get to live twice too so it all evens out.”

Weirdness and Lunacy in the Garden: SGP The Review

First published by Spoonfed.co.uk 

The facts, even when beaded on a chain, still do not have real order. The brass tacks are scattered. Things are separate and haphazard and random even as they occur. This is what it must feel like to live in a fantasy world. Or to be insane. It’s 5am. Do you know where you are? The garden. Let me tell you again about the garden, about the place where irreverence reigns. The dreamland.

A girl in a red wig and silver catsuit is grinding away at your leg. Heavy rain falls from the sky, flames shoot from spikes. The crowd around you are exploding, faces contorted in what you assume is pleasure but could very easily be pain. The DJ booth towers above you, lights blinding you to who is actually in it, causing all this damn chaos. Sky-high hay bales block you in to the arena – which could be some kind of emblem of revolution. The rain isn’t too much of a problem. It’s cooling your face, calming your head. Things might become a little clearer if you could just get out from under this umbrella, extricate yourself from this damn afro-wig. High up on the podium, a couple of crafty DJs are laying it down. Hard and heavy. Loud, loud beats and flecks of related glory shower the crowd.

It’s only Friday and already you have danced on a massive dragonfly at the centre of a lake after bribing your way onto an opportunistic longboat with a couple of filthy au pairs. You’ve almost wept at the throaty growl of the incredibly young singers of hotly tipped Kill It Kid making their main stage debut. You’ve barged around on a pagoda while the Plump DJs make everyone on and off dry land lose it, you’ve shaken it down to the ground with a thousand Thursday nutters courtesy of Beat3. And now, it seems, you have re-entered the arena of rave and insanity: the Collisillyum. Mighty, massive and kicking to the sounds of the Crafty Rascals.

The Secret Garden Party, ah yes, we’re back. The place has the epicness of Glasto without the miles, the creative ambition of Burning Man without the dust. With a lake to swim in when it all gets too much. Recline on the croquet lawn dah-ling, roll in glitter then throw paint at your mates. Shake it like it’s actually tropicana, drop it like it’s super hot and wave them in the air like you just don’t care. Bounce around in what could be a London club except for the fact that it’s actually inflatable with speakers in the floor and called Poundland… The lasers, the low end, the sick sick beats…

The party which is no longer a secret is bigger and better and brighter than ever before. Incredible music, jaw-dropping art, a real sense of originality – no one does it like SGP. When the organisers say more entertainment per head than any other festival, they ain’t messing around. It’s impossible to see everything, impossible not to feel like you have missed something. Or missed a great deal, depending on how much sleep you choose to get/inebriation you choose to pursue. It’s certainly impossible to distill all the wonder here, to rip open your chest and display your beating, nostalgic heart in a thousand tiny words…

As is traditional the centre-piece goes up in flames on Saturday night. It’s the crescendo of the party. BOOM a rocket goes off, spraying sparks. Then another. Then a thousand. People are tiptoeing to seize a glimpse. Luckily someone hoists you onto their shoulders, and as the epic music crashes and the island burns, the earth revolves. All you can feel is awe. As you are returned to the ground, the crowds are filtering off – most are going to see Leftfield and the beautiful notes of ‘Original’ begin. Everything combines and aligns; pivots to a perfect moment. The music, the lights. What good fortune led you to be here?

“Sonically we’re in control. We’re the diamond in your soul. Images come thick and fast. From the future, from the past.” BOOM. You’re back in the arena, being hammered again by the colossal sounds of resident Your Niece, quickly followed by West Coast legend Bassnectar: three solid, unrelenting hours of dancing at the top of your game, people illegally climbing the frame in the middle, a fireman shimmying up after a hottie not to rescue but to dry hump her. This feels like our equivalent of a gladiator tournament, such is the level of excitement. Anything could happen.

And damn it, it’s over. There is this bittersweet feeling in the pit of your stomach, a fading in the cut of your jib. The four days you have been dreaming about have whizz-banged past in a puzzle of non-sequiturs: all you have is a sketchy tan and a big gap where a notebook crammed with notes for this very article should be. Returning to normality after the leaps made by your heart over the four days in the garden feels alien. Seeing the people of London hurrying, worrying about their business, hits you from a great distance, entirely another planet.

There exists, as you know, a festival community – or rather a worldwide community of like-minded, lovely human beings. And festivals like SGP are helping to join the dots. Getting these people together in new and wonderful ways. So many friends of friends, new people, gorgeous new people are being linked, introduced, hooking up, tapping in. Realising their dreams, performing their art, being inspired by what they learn, by who they taste, by what moves them, by what makes them wiggle their bum. “Be excellent to each other,” reads the sign on the bridge. There is no other way, is there?

This is how we relax – your generation, our generation. The lucky, happy people of this global community. Rolling on a hillside in fancy dress at Bloody Mary o’clock, boating out on lakes to islands shaped like dragonflies vibrating with music where multi-coloured ragamuffins are bouncing and grinning. Fighting in mud-pits, holding dancing competitions in boxing rings, singing at the top of your voice. It’s a holiday. Silliness is your currency. Absurdity is your means of relaxation. The people who know have settled into the swing of how things roll here. You become more yourself when you arrive: hyper-real, dressed to kill, and year on year, new people are rugby tackling into this way of thinking, piling higher and higher, squashing each other inappropriately, giggling and groping each other as they join the ever-increasing fray. Two words for you, friend. Get. Involved.

Lowri Clarke

Photos by the incredible Bartek Szadura.